Love and Death

Wanting to hurt myself

I know it's not good

I wish I could get ride of this pain

The only thing I can do is mask the hurt

I wish there was another way

But I'm all alone

No one gets me.

I remember Apathy

I should revert back to that

This way I don't get hurt

And she can do whatever she wants.

Oh Apathy,

I miss you.

What an Ass

What should I do?

I tell you I like you,

You pretend I didn't say anything.

I try to care for you,

You ignore me.

I show tenderness,

You make out with another.

Who is that?

I should sever his throat.

He makes out with you,

I pretend not to notice.

He hits on you,

I ignore it.

I pretend to be friends,

I hate it.

I try to be nice,

I can't stand him.

One day, you'll see,

I'm better than him;

Until then, I will suffer,

In a cage, not releasing this monster inside me.

Suckish life

Starvation

“Grumble….grumble….” The sounds of my stomach could be heard from the other end of the bus. The fatty freshly fried crispy chicken my lucky friends were eating did not help to settle my stomach. “Why? Why must I have starved myself for five days?” I asked myself. The answer was simple. We had the best crew team our school had had in years and we were hopefuls to make it to nationals, but first we had to win this race. I sluggishly fell off the bus like a slinky down a flight of stairs.

As one of the captains, I thoroughly enjoyed the sport. Though that fun had its end it was fun up until the point where my coach had decided I could race in the lightweight division; I only had to lose five pounds. “That’s nothing,” We all thought. What a mistake. The day of the race came before the official weigh-ins, we had our own scale, and I was under the cut off by a few pounds. “Awesome!” I exclaimed. So thinking I was going to pass the weigh-ins, I gallantly tread to weigh-in, only to find that our scale was WRONG.

Sprinting with sweat dripping down my face like rain drops gliding down a window, I tried to lose the few ounces of weight that starvation and dehydration had not taken care of. Finally one minute before the weigh station closed and my chest fluctuating like a big balloon with a hole trying to be filled I arrived for my last chance. Standing on the scale watching the needle prance around the cut off mark, I held my breath in an attempt to float as if I was full of helium, which was an idea that I thought of too late to try.

Surrounded by my teammates and coaches and even some parents, none of which included any of my family, the pressure could have sure enough weighed me down, or up I should say. Then, finally the needles brilliant suspense filled dance had ended. My weight equaled the cut off, I made it! After all the stress, the depression and the struggle, I gladly accepted an apple as my reward.

Idiots

Being stupid:

Being stupid isn’t

Not being able to do a math problem,

Not getting straight A’s,

Not knowing every word,

Not laughing at an obvious joke,

Not learning how to write.

Being stupid is:

 

Thinking you are better than everyone else,

 

Thinking you can look down on others.

Being stupid is not being able to understand;

Not understanding others.

Not understanding yourself,

Sexy

So this was weird, I had this dream, and I oddly remembered it. It's weird 'cause I don't usually remember what I dream about, but I remembered this one.

So this dream, I don't remember all of it, or I don't think so anyway, but it involves this girl that lives next door to me. So we're walking walking in this alley and stuff happens for us to start making out and getting naked, and right before, and I mean RIGHT before we start having sex, condom on and everything, people walk into the alley and we have to get dressed and walk away.

Another reason I think this is so weird is that, when I was younger, I swear, I was able to see the future in my dreams, so seeing this in my dreams is really freaky. Do I still see the future? Hah, now that would be something

WTF Happened

So I went to Oktoberfest, sickest thing ever. And it;s all about drinking beer, and it's great 'cause your not able to drink this young in the States. So the first day I didn't think I drank that much, maybe two steins, that's equal to like seven beers, and they're stronger too. So the next night I find out I must have blacked out the first day because there are things I don't remember doing. Everyone thinks this is crazy, I don't believe this happened, but apparently it did, I somehow called one of my friends' dad from my phone without knowing his number and I talked to him. I don't remember using my phone at all that day.

That was what apparently happened, and the second day was worse, I drank a lot more and a lot faster. I chugged half a stein and as soon as my next one came I chugged that one too. I told my friend that if he could bounce this plastic coin into my drink, like playing quarters with shots, that I would chug it... so it happened... After that, I had yet another stein, my friend had about 7 of them. Then this guy sitting with us gives us what we both thought was a cigarette, I smoke them when I'm drunk if someone offers me one, and so we take a hit, and what we didn't know when we accepted it was that it was weed. So my friend took the first hit then handed it to me then he was like shit.. I couldn't tell it was weed, never had it before. We leave it's just me and him, my other friends left the table a long time ago. We're trying to find the exit but we get lost and we''re so drunk, I call one of our other friends but he ditches us and goes back to the campsite. So we call up the girls to try to find us. We sit outside one of the beer tents and I throw up.. and my friend passes out. I eventually get his to stand and we walk more until we couldn't do it anymore and we sat/passed out on the steps around the bumper cars.

The girls eventually find us after a bunch of confusing phone calls and a long time passed. We're saved.. damn longest day ever...